GETTING THE LOVE YOU NEED
A. Four levels of love:
1. Physical: animal passion, physical attraction.
2. Emotional: Ego Love ("I love what you do for me and how you make me feel.")
3. Rational: "We have been together so long, I should still love you."
4. Spiritual: Unconditional Love ("I love you no matter what you do, because I love your spirit!")
B. Major causes of relationship failure:
1. Childhood Emotional Baggage
2. Unrealistic Expectations: "Now, life is going to be great!"
3. Lack of Acceptance: "I'll change him/her!"
4. Addictions & Co-dependence: alcohol, drugs, work, food, money, sex, shopping, status, television, video games, internet, etc.
5. Incompatibilities: opposites attract then repell.
6. Negative Attitudes: "All men/women are ____!"
7. Lack of Communication
8. Neediness & Rebelliousness
9. Peer Pressure: "What are you doing with him/her?"
C. Impediments to Loving Relationships:
2. Fear of the Unknown
3. Something is better than nothing.
4. Negative Attitudes: "There are no good men/women out there!"
5. Transferrence: "When I look at you, I see ____!"
6. Vulnerability: lack of support system, lack of inner peace, lack of self-esteem, neediness, etc.
7. Your Imago: "Image of the Other."
8. Unresolved Childhood Emotional Baggage
9. Undeveloped Social Skills
10. Lack of Quality Time Together
D. Things you can do:
1. Become a whole being within yourself.
2. Keep the faith: A Positive Attitude
3. Don't settle for less than what you truly need!
4. Be patient and stay engaged with positive life experiences (concerts, seminars, volunteerism, traveling, SIG's, etc.)
5. Learn to communicate your feelings effectively.
6. Be honest about your needs & expectations.
7. Stop sending contradictory messages.
8. Stop "the Dance": every relationship has a 'message or theme'.
9. Learn to recognize and avoid unhealthy relationships.
10. Get professional help with 'intractable' emotional problems.